I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
