i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
