His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
