I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
