i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
