wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
