Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
