OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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