can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
