i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
