she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
