I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
