Non-Jews are for practice
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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