today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
