good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
