He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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