I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
