I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
