I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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