FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
