just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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