Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
