i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
