Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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