well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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