Have you finally orgasmed yet?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i came on her dog
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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