i think my mom watched the whole time
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
