Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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