my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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