Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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