Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
