That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
