i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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