He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
