I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
