do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
