so explain again why im purple
no
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
