awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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