i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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