Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
