i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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