I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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