it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
