If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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