dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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