i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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