...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
