I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
