And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
