I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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