i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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