Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
