Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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