My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
