This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?