Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.