forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?