Whod you bang
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.