So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"