his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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