Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.