I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
