I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
