do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize