Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
