never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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