I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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