Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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