I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My balls are so social today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
