I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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