So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
