we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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