Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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