That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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