we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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