Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
