i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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