she was so not down for the gang bang
Your tits are I can't wait for
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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