used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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