No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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