The best revenge is premature balding
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
