if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
