dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
