Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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