When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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