saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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