we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I understand Curling. That high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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