It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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