meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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