I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
