Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
