who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
