Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
