I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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